Living Fabulously Fierce Factor #11-Valuing Yourself

Well, the first week of 2013 really set the year up for a fabulous start for me and I really hope and pray the same is true for your and yours.

In a recent interview with Essence Magazine, The fabulously fierce, Jill Scott shared:


“I’m excited about something and I don’t know what it is yet.”

That’s where I am right now.  I’m just so excited and I just can’t hide it (you know the song), but I know something is about to burst-it may even just be me, but it’s definitely going to be extraordinary!  Just remember I told you so!
The past couple weeks, the last of 2012 and the first of 2013 presented a number of fruitful conversations that have, of course, got me thinking.  Two points in particular have been on replay in my mind:

1-Most of us really don’t know what it means to value ourselves

2-There really should be some process/outline/guide for valuation of self

So, in true Farah Fashion, of course, I’ve got to build some sort of solution to what I see as gaps from these two things.

Valuing Ourselves

First, in terms of know what it means to value ourselves, let’s, again, start with the technical.  If you do a simple search of the term (so grateful for Google), you get the following definition:

The regard that something is held to deserve; the importance or preciousness of something.  To appreciate, evaluate, estimate, appraise, assess.

Though we don’t view ourselves as things or objects, we can leverage this definition as a way to determine what it really means to value ourselves.  For me, this means that to value myself is to determine the regard that I deserve or feel I’ve earned, the importance of myself as an individual and all the parts that make up who I am.

Regarding the action of valuing myself, this means I also have to estimate, appraise or assess myself in order to really appreciate all of who I am. On some level, at this stage, this really boils down to feelings right?  I think Betsy Myers said it best in Take the Lead when she states:


The way we feel about ourselves…has an impact that adds or detracts, inspires or deflates.

Well, I want to be amongst the fabulously fierce who add and inspire…no doubt about it.  So the next piece is, how do we go about actually carrying out the appraisal or valuation of ourselves?


Yesterday, I had the good fortune of spending time with my friend, Sharon Brewster.  We hadn’t really had good bonding time since high school!!!  We were paired as big and little sister my freshmen year and the time has flown by.  So we slated time to catch up at 10:30a.m.  At 2:01p.m. when my phone rang we both realized hours had gone by which we totally didn’t realize because our convo was absolutely incredible.  What came out of it was really part two of what I’ve been thinking about, the process.  So, here’s my recommended guide:

1-Express the truth about how you feel about you. Ask yourself and answer the following questions:

  • What do I really feel good about as it relates to who I am?
  • What makes me really proud of who I am?
  • What are the most significant things about me that I love?
  • What aspects of me don’t I feel so great about?

When I say to express these truths, I really mean to be truthful and hold the mirror up, just for you.  Literally take a sheet of paper, answer these questions, just for you.  Since it’s yours, no need to hold anything back in the form of false humility or keeping the negative out…it’s literally just for you.

2-Identify what factors have contributed to the way you feel about myself.  These are different people, experiences, perfections that have had impacted us through influence.

3-Take the positive factors and commit to leveraging them and continuing these to be in a position to influence you.  For instance, last week I talked about Dionna’s influence on me.  Um yes, she will definitely be leveraged today, forever, and always!

4-List the negative factors on a separate sheet of paper be they people, your own mindsets, and/or past experiences, and commit to letting them go by taking the list and literally just throwing it away.  Through that action, you’re in essence just releasing whatever hold they may be continuing to have over you.

5-Take 10-15 minutes, sit still and just reflect on what came out of this for you.  Even during our short time together yesterday, both Sharon and I at one point or another sayd, “wow, now that I’m sitting here talking about this with you, I actually realize…..”  What light may have been shed for you that you hadn’t realized?  For instance, is there someone that now you’ve taken the time to think about it, isn’t really adding anything to your life and actually detracting?  Well, it may be time to release them from your inner circle.  I’m not saying to totally do away with someone, but limit their influence over you.  Is there a positive factor that you just haven’t given enough time or put  some other invest in as a way of leveraging it’s impact on how you value yourself?

At this point, the real goal is to be able to confidently say,”You know what, I like me.  I’m worth a whole lot.  I truly, truly value me.”  I’ll even say it with you!

Soundtrack of the week: Kirk Franklin’s I Like Me

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