Living Fabulously Fierce Factor #67-Employing Your Extinguisher(s)

“We misuse our mental faculties by barely using them at all. We have the means to extinguish our fears, but we lack discipline in using it, like having the extinguisher in our hands as our home burns but choose not to use it because we’d have to aim.”-Brendon Burchard

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m so grateful for the people in my life who will just tell me what I need to hear, whenever I need to hear it.  Nope, I’m not talking about telling me what I think I need to hear, but indeed what I truly need to hear.  There is a difference between the two and this quote by Mr. Brendon Burchard sounds exactly like something we all need to hear sometimes.  

It’s tough love, reminding us that for almost everything we seek in our lives in the way of change and/or progress, we actually have to get up and do  something.  There’s no sitting back and watching and waiting to see what happens.  That’s exactly how your house….and everything else with it… will burn to complete and utter nothingness.

Ok, so what am I getting at here?  Essentially, it’s no secret that we are all always dealing with fear in some form or fashion.  I’m not talking just shaking in your boots fear that can make us feel weak and powerless when facing something significantly major.  It may be something like the fear of public speaking, actually applying for a dream job, walking up to that guy and daring to ask him out, buying a home, moving across country…the list could go on and on.  Whatever it may be, it’s all relative too, right?  Where speaking in front of a room of 3,000 people would make most of my friends crumble to pieces…it excites me BEYOND MEASURE!!!!  And where mentally I cannot fathom the actual process of another human being coming out of my body, almost all of my friends who are parents chuckle a little when I share this as one of my major fears and essentially say, “that’s nothing to be afraid of….your body will do what it needs to do.”  Ummm, yeah but I’d still be deathly scurred.  #allrelative.  

In any event, when it comes to having to address fear, most of us would more readily embrace the fetal position than the warrior pose. More often than not, our tendencies may be to embrace ease and comfort instantly letting go of the opportunity to seize a challenge and embrace our capabilities as conquerors.  Did she just say opportunity to seize a challenge?  Yup.  I really do believe that, challenges are actually opportunities just to see how friggin fierce we actually can be…and just a little reminder, the she who said it is also the one who never in a million years thought she would leave a home and go a distance of 3000+ miles to face a personal challenge and seize a life changing, future redefining opportunity.  Seriously, do you know what I’ve learned about myself in just a little over two months?!?!?!  No, but that’s not important.  What’s important is what you have to learn about you by employing your extinguisher(s)-your means of putting out your fears, doubts, and mental blocks.

Yes, so you want me to elaborate on these extinguishers?  Cool. Simply put, these are things, mindsets and mindshifts, the people or squad that motivates you, your faith, the personal affirmations and confessions, your playlist that gets you amped to face whatever challenge you’re facing, your mom!  The list can go on and on but now you get what I’m getting at here.

Action plan for the week:

  • Identify one thing that scares you…anything, big, small, you name it.  
  • Describe how you feel when it shows up and comes over you.
  • Describe what it would feel like to stand up to that fear.  

Now, get your warrior on and decide two things do you need to do to just start to stand up to it…what extinguishers are you going to use?  Prayer, talking about it to a friend? Having your sister, your brother hold you accountable to address it?  Whatever it is, get up. Stand firm. Look the fire in the face. AIM!

Soundtrack of the week: Janelle Monae’s, Tightrope…whether you’re high or low, brave or battling fear, even tip toeing is a start in the right direction!

Living Fabulously Fierce Factor #66-Being Unapologetically You

Ego-trippin’, Nikki Giovanni

I was born in the congo 
I walked to the fertile crescent and built the sphinx                                                                            
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star that only glows every one hundred years falls into the center giving divine perfect light                                                                                                                                                                          
 I am bad
I sat on the throne drinking nectar with allah                                                                                                                            
I got hot and sent an ice age to europe to cool my thirst                                                                                                    
My oldest daughter is Nefertiti                                                                                                                                                
The tears from my birth pains created the nile                                                                                                                          
I am a beautiful woman             
I gazed on the forest and burned out the sahara desert                                                                                                  
With a packet of goat’s meat and a change of clothes I crossed it in two hours                                                              
I am a gazelle so swift so swift you can’t catch me
For a birthday present when he was three                                                                                                                                  
I gave my son hannibal an elephant                                                                                                                                          
He gave me rome for mother’s day                                                                                                                                            
My strength flows ever on
My son noah built new/ark and                                                                                                                                                        
I stood proudly at the helm as we sailed on a soft summer day                                                                                            
I turned myself into myself and was jesus                                                                                                                            
Men intone my loving name                                                                                                                                                          
All praises All praises                                                                                                                                                                           
I am the one who would save                                                                                                                                                          
I sowed diamonds in my back yard                                                                                                                                            
My bowels deliver uranium                                                                                                                                                        
The filings from my fingernails are semi-previous jewels semi-precious jewels                                                      
On a trip north                                                                                                                                                                                      
I caught a cold and blew                                                                                                                                                                 
My nose giving oil to the arab world                                                                                                                                             
I am so hip even my errors are correct
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off the earth as I went                                                                              
The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid across three continents                                                                    
I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal I cannot be comprehended except by my permission
I mean … I … can fly                                                                                                                                                                       like a bird in the sky …


Confidence.  Authenticity. Brilliance.  Inspiration.  All of this is what comes to me when I read this poem.  It, and it’s author-the incomparable Nikki Giovanni, were first introduced to me at eight years old during summer camp at Lena Park.  I had to memorize it for the show we would put on at the end of the summer. I recall getting it and just soaking it all in…it took nothing to memorize it because every word hit me with a stroke of inspiration that I can’t even describe.  I actually remember standing up a little straighter…  I was “taller”  after reading it for the first time in the library of the building we were in.

Today, much older than eight years old,  as I read these words and also reflect on actually meeting Ms. Giovanni just a few weeks ago, it reminds me of the importance, the critical need in this world for each and every one of us to show up as our most authentic selves and to be unapologetic about all that that we are.  In this world full of social media that presents us with standards and expectations that we should emulate and try to meet, it appears that more and more we’re called to be the same, leaving distinctions behind.  With that, it sometimes calls us to “apologize” in many different forms for who we are, how we show up, not meeting others’ expectations of us.  

Earlier today, I read a Huffington Post on the challenges of being Afro-Latino which presented this challenge of being unique yet not meeting expectations and then having to, on some level, “cover” just to ensure access, further challenging the opportunities to show up as unapologetically authentic.  We all face this challenge in some form or fashion.  That being said, what are we supposed to do?  It’s actually quite simple-just. be. you.  Yes, I’m saying it’s simple because quite frankly who else can you or should you be?  The answer is very, very simple.  Just be unapologetically you.  

See, it’s actually not this-being authentic, being you, unapologetically- that’s hard.  What’s hard is not giving into the noise, the environment, the world, that tries to put you in a box and not welcome or accept the  beauty of our flaws.  Therefore, the challenge is really with us to decide to just be ourselves regardless-imperfections and all.  Yes, we have to stop pretending we’re flawless! Stop pretending we have it all together.

Let’s start accepting the beauty in our imperfections, internally and externally.  Accept the things about us that continue to keep us from being the same as others.  Accept the challenges that come with just being who we are as well as the blessings!!!  And just be you.

No there’s no multi-step process this week.  Just a challenge to accept who you are, how incredibly fabulous you are, how unbelievable fierce you can be.  Now here’s the active part…be, unapologetic about it.  Next time you walk into a room, do so as your whole self, not feeling or showing regret or shame; not apologetic for who you are, how you show up, and the fabulously fierce energy you bring!  

Soundtrack of the Week: Who You Are, recognizing someone who is definitely unapologetically herself, Jessie J