Compliments….for whatever reason, for so many of us, they can be difficult to take.
There really isn’t much more to say about this except for the fact that many of us hear a compliment and it just makes us uncomfortable. I’m actually working with a client now who struggles to hear good feedback. It’s come up in her most recent performance review as an area for improvement. Also, even in our coaching journey together, when I congratulate her for work well-done on something or showing progress in a particular area in which she has really been focusing, she immediately reflects it back to me. Well, it’s because I have a great coach… Oh it wasn’t that hard… I mean I could’ve done more…..etc and I could go on and on. Of course I call her out on this as needed, and she’s actually getting better at it but it still is an area of opportunity for her.
Interestingly enough, she is not the only one. Just this week one of our followers, Angie ImBlessed shared the following which reminded me of this reality
Many of us, (if not all) including me, have challenges from time to time accepting the simplest of compliments or even accepting accolades and credit for work well-done. I mean, think about it, really think about it. When was the last time someone offered you up a compliment and you offered up a self-loathing response or totally minimized it or even just totally changed the topic. I know for myself, a really bad habit is when I get a compliment on something I’m wearing, I have this quick response of just telling them where I got it from and how it was on sale….like that’s the big win! A friend actually just called me out on this. He gave me a compliment on something I was wearing, and now I don’t really remember what I said, but his only response was “Farah, how does that have anything to do with the fact that you look really nice in the dress?” I had no response so I just said, “You know what, you’re right. Thanks!” FYI-if you didn’t know before that I’m totally on this Living Fabulously Fierce journey with you and not preaching at you, my transparency here definitely tells you that now!
So, what do we do about this? Honestly, we each have different, potentially very deep reasons for our knee jerk responses to compliments.It takes some self-reflection to identify what yours are and start to address them. For now though, one simple item—I know, I always say it’s simple..but this time, I soooooooo promise—Ready? Just. say. Thank you! Boom! No, no, you don’t even have to pay the person a compliment back….seriously, it’s ok. Just say thank you and if you’re really struggling with leaving it there, I totally dare you to take it a step further…..The next time someone says,
“You look really nice”….just say, “thank you…I felt like this outfit looked nice too.”
“Great job on your presentation”…..just say, “thank you…I felt like I did a really good job.”
“Love your earrings”….just say, “thank you…..I decided to treat myself.”
“You really turned that project around!!!”…”thank you…I committed to doing my very best.”
So, what’s the Compliment Acceptance Formula (yup, totally just made that up):
- Option A: Thank you=thank you……and stop
- Option B: Thank you +Positive agreement reinforced through sharing how you felt (eg “You look really nice”….just say, “thank you…I felt like this outfit looked nice too.”)
- Option C: Thank you+ Positive Action you took that warranted the compliment you received )eg “Great job on your presentation”…..just say, “thank you…I felt like I did a really good job.”)
Now, ladies, there are too many options available not to have this work for you….or at the veeeeeeeery least, just try it out. Just pick one and try it out this week! I dare you! And while you’re at it, don’t forget to offer up a compliment to another. That’s what being fabulously fierce is all about, losing no light in your candle by lighting another’s! #ShineBright!
Soundtrack of the week: Some Soca from Ms. Patrice Roberts-a fab recommendation from our follower, Jasmine T.